When Mrs Carole Middleton once again complained to the press complaints commission about the paparazzi little did she know that an entire population of anti royalists would spit venomous contempt over their car radios and hurl beer cans of scorn at their TVs. This is one middle class social climber who shouldn't be complaining about anything right now, not even a parking ticket.
I guess her moaning like a wilderbeast could be mistaken for dropping all her arrogantism hormones down the loo, a little confusing when trying to eat your cake and have it, but I want to complain too.
Mrs Middleton I want to complain about the behavior of your niece - Katrina Darling. No paps are required on this one but I won't mind if you want to spoil yourself Carole, go right ahead complain your ass and titties off about me interfering with your privates dodgy style that they are darling. <<Now read it again, fool.
Miss Darling is a burlesque stripper. She decided she wanted to be a burlesque dancer when she was 17 and now at 20 she is renowned for her God Save The Queen act which ends with her wearing nothing other than a smile and red nipple tassels. Oh and a barely- there thong.
Miss Darling has been shaking her ass in the cabaret scene in Sunderland for two years, while her soon-to-be-royal cousin Kate went to the elite Marlborough College and dated a prince.
Katrina Darling lives with her parents Eric, 65, and Maureen Darling, 54, in a semi-detached house in Sunderland.
And this is the basis of my complaint, which is specifically that Carole Middleton has brought shame and scandal upon the Royal family.
Lets not dick around with this. Katrina Darling is a porn star. Which makes this the first brush with the sex industry the royal families had since Prince Andrew had sex and pancakes with Koo Stark. It's ALL Carole's fault with her social mobility/climbing. And I'm not forgetting about her brother, Mr Gary deal or no deal Goldsmith over there in Ibiza with his whorimone ways.
On the other hand if the only reason you're here is to see the naked breasts of a royal cousin then all my research and subsequent writing binge will have been wasted on you. So for you then I give you the 'North-East's original Cheesecake Sex Pistol' Katrina Darling, a royal cousin with her tits out.
God save the Queen.
- God Save the Queen
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